Title: Last and Least

Author: mzsnaz (mzsnaz1108@yahoo.com)

Character: Saavik

Series: TOS movies

Disclaimer: Paramount and Viacom own Star Trek

Summary: Saavik’s thoughts after Amanda’s memorial service

~~~~~~~~~Last and Least~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was more than I did for my T’hy’la
More than I wanted to do even for her
But I did it
The ability to speak on such a formal occasion
Was unfamiliar and lost to me before then
I would do it because I wanted to say goodbye
And I could not deny the unyielding reality of death
My friend, yet something more
More like a kind patron
But that sounds contrived and hollow
I never had a parent
Perhaps more like that
Perhaps more than that
No rebuff ever emanated from her
She didn’t despise or reject me as others were wont to do
We were unaware of our influence on each other
If that was what it was
She gathering and scattered my hatred and suspicion
I gathering and kept her experience and trust
It was an absurdly uneven trade
But she never said it was so
She wouldn’t
That I’ll miss, too
The words I forced from my lips
Sounded callous to me at the time
I was not pleased
Yet, those who knew her well
Her T’hy’la
Her son
They approved and said I was correct
My assessment was honest
I was right
For one of the few times in my life
I was well received
Unsure as I was
The words came to me in a rush of insight
An impending strand of grace granted to me
By her incredibly blunt opinion
Her assessment of that damnable name and of me
It was my damnable fate to be named Little Cat
I raged under the appellation
But she was right
Little things can attain great success
I considered myself last and least
And yet even she was not a commanding figure
She was accepted in a way
I can only dream of
I never considered that before
To live as an outsider
Even unto death
Left out of the eternal recognition
That is the Vulcan essence
Do Humans have a soul?
I would say that they do
Especially after meeting her
That is my unwavering contention
As I concluded my ruminations
To end my speech before I could no longer speak
Before an errant emotion destroyed my eulogy
I audaciously stated my position and my belief
As one of the last to speak
I could suddenly articulate what I believed
I could proclaim what others alluded to
Possibly knew
It was the truth and I was the only one to say it
She was born of Earth
But boldly dared to become Vulcan
Taking on not only the designation but the life
Demanding acknowledgment
Whether she was wanted or not
Ingratiating herself, forcing change
Shaking the foundation of those rigid, staid desert inhabitants
Eventually she was not only accepted
But welcomed
No longer of Earth
Vulcan claimed her
That is her success and her victory
That is how I shall remember her
Little things can attain great success
I shall triumph over adversity
And to most honor her memory
I shall proudly bear the name of a diminutive feline
But as she would no doubt expect
Instead of gradually implementing
And graciously accepting what is offered
As she would do
I shall persist in my customary manner

I shall roar

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